It is difficult for a child to be shuttled back and forth between divorced parents who cannot communicate constructively.  It is worse for the child as he or she gets older and becomes more aware of the hostility between his or her parents.  If a recent decision from North Carolina is any indication, this growing awareness of parents’ hatred toward one another may be grounds for modifying a custody order.

In that case, a couple divorced in 2012.  The judge awarded the father primary physical care and custody of the couple’s young daughter, Reagan.  The judge apparently made this decision based on the couple’s “utter inability” to work together for their daughter’s benefit, as well as the mother’s repeated unsubstantiated allegations that the father was abusing Reagan.

Two years later the mother asked the court to modify the custody order, claiming that the father’s new girlfriend was acting as Reagan’s primary caregiver.  The court granted the motion, citing “changed circumstances” and giving the mother primary custody.  Specifically, the judge found that the parents still couldn’t communicate effectively and that Reagan, who was getting older and becoming more aware of the situation, was experiencing increasingly higher anxiety as a result.  He also noted that the father and his girlfriend were keeping Reagan away from other family members, and that the mother was no longer making false abuse allegations.

The father appealed, arguing that his differences with his ex-wife were not grounds to modify custody based on a change in circumstances, since they had never gotten along after the divorce.  The North Carolina Court of Appeals disagreed with the father, finding it “entirely foreseeable” that communication problems between parents would affect a child more as she grows older, becomes involved in more activities that require her parents to cooperate, and becomes more aware of and sensitive to conflict between her parents.

Virginia law differs from North Carolina law.  Check with a Virginia lawyer who practices in family law to find out how these situations could be handled in Virginia.